Listening is a powerfully underestimated force of love. Have you ever had an experience where you were talking, and the listener was nodding their head at the perfect time, yet they were a million miles away, in Never Land, nowhere near being present for you? To me, that feels like speaking into a void, a space of nothingness, creating a wholly unfulfilling experience. I have felt aggravated, confused, or “blown off” when that happens, as if what I am saying does not matter perhaps even that I don’t matter to them. Some listen only to respond. These people are not hearing a word said on a deeper level, just readying their ammunition to fire back when there is a pause, or when they interrupt to make their point, totally disregarding and disrespecting the other. Both of these scenarios break down relationships. Deep connection and love are entirely out of the equation. The “listener” in these cases has put their needs ahead of the one who is sharing. That is not truly listening. It communicates their needs are more important than being fully present and witnessing whatever is being brought to the table. One may hear bits and pieces of what is being expressed, but not the true essence. Deep listening can make or break a relationship. It is no small thing. Some confuse listening with carrying the other’s burden, so they take on the problems of anyone with whom they are speaking. People who do this make things worse, as now two people feel down instead of just one. Some feel so uncomfortable with listening that all they want to do is solve the problem. There is a more profound question begging to be addressed here. Does the speaker solely want to be witnessed and fully heard, or do they genuinely want your help to solve the problem? Often, it is the discomfort of the “listener” that causes the communication breakdown. I am an external processor, which means that having someone listen to me is all I need to bring about my solution. It’s just that simple. If I need help solving the problem, I will explicitly ask for it. Others process internally, not sharing their thoughts and feelings aloud, and not requesting any help. Being in a relationship with this kind of person can feel lonely, like there is a lack of intimacy and connection because they don’t share. Just know it’s a different way to process. Some people shy away from fully listening because they fear intimacy. Deep listening establishes an intimacy where one can feel seen, heard, valued, and respected. Intimacy is “into-me-see,” and some people choose not to go there. Real listening is being fully present, with an openness to hear what is on their mind. People know if you are truly present with them. That, in and of itself, is a powerful act. It communicates to them that they matter enough for you to stop what you’re doing and pay attention to them. It says, ‘I love you’ without a word ever being uttered. That’s real power. It is an act so simple that it allows the other to feel loved, cared for, respected, and valued. What you invest in, you value. We hear a lot about abuse and the right use of power. Who would think such a simple act could communicate something so powerful. You don’t have to save the world. The world is right in front of you in that individual. As you pay attention to the one in front of you, you are making an excellent contribution to the world. Each and every decision to love creates a momentum that will be the determining force for good to sweep the land.